In modern life it is very common to become disconnected from the ones around us. When this disconnection is the result of being excluded by others, the effect on our mental health can be very serious. We may have experienced abandonment as children, with ghosts of our experience still haunting us. We may also be (or feel) abandoned as adults by our loved ones, whether that be by friends, family or romantic partners. In any of these cases, it is best to think of abandonment as a type of trauma.

Many people have experienced betrayal in some form or another, but very few think of it as a traumatic event. In fact, when most people hear the word “trauma” they immediately think of war veterans or people who have experienced physical or sexual abuse.

Many of the people that I work with, or have worked with in the past, have suffered from some form of abuse or another—whether emotional, physical, spiritual, financial or sexual abuse. The reality is that abuse doesn’t discriminate, and people from all walks of life, cultures, socioeconomic status, race, and so on, can suffer from abuse.

For those of you who may still be on the fence about whether or not your relationship is abusive, however, reflect for a moment on the following (the opposite of an abusive relationship):

When we go through trauma, our brains don’t function like they normally do. We shift into survival mode. Like a deer in the headlights, our brains direct all our mental and physical energy toward dealing with the immediate threat until it’s gone. In normal situations, this state fades over time. Trauma isn't just something we experience after being in a warzone or in a violent situation, we can be traumatized by our relationships.