SAN DIEGO SEX & INTIMACY COUNSELING
Sex therapy is important because love and intimacy are intertwined into so many parts of our lives.
How secure we feel has an impact on who we are and how we connect with others. It is no wonder that this can create such anxiety!
No matter the specific issue, sex therapy helps you get reconnected with yourself and develop a more secure sexual connection with your partner.
We might find ourselves with worries like:
“Will I ever feel comfortable talking about or initiating sex with my partner?”
“Is there something wrong with me?
"Am I enough?”
"Can sex feel fun and positive again?”
Because sex and intimacy can feel so important in our lives, relationships, world and society, we can benefit from talking about it in both individual or relationship counseling.
Many San Diego couples struggle with issues related to sex and intimacy.
The issues we bring up above are typical among the couples we've worked with and more broadly in the U.S.
In fact, studies show that sexual dysfunction is very common: around 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men report some degree of difficulty (1). Further, about 34% of couples find their sex life unsatisfying, which may be a result of people not feeling free to talk openly about their sex life with their partner. For example, in one such study, only 3 out of 8 of the study respondents admitted to being honest with their partner about their sex life (2).
While this lack of total honesty prevents sex from being more fulfilling, it also is a natural response.
We put a lot of emotional value on pleasing our partner and it might be hard to talk about things that are meaningful to us because we are afraid to hurt their feelings or make things worse if we bring it up. However, sex therapy allows couples to work on these issues and have an open (and less hurtful) discussion when supervised by a sex therapist.
Who can benefit from working with our San Diego sex therapists?
Individuals, couples, or partners struggling with concerns related to desire, arousal, orgasm, and painful sex (e.g. erectile dysfunction, hypoactive sexual desire disorder, dyspareunia, vaginismus)
Individuals or partners wanting to build connection and trust
Couples struggling with communication around sexuality or intimacy
Survivors recovering from sexual trauma
Individuals or partners who don’t feel represented in media portrayals of sex, love, or intimacy
Individuals, couples, or partners challenged by kink interests
Individuals and couples navigating non-monogamy
Partners struggling with differences related to preference, initiation, or desire
Women struggling with sexuality pre or postpartum
Breast cancer/ prostate cancer survivors (sexual variation is very common after either)
Individuals seeking LGBTQ+ affirmative-therapy
Individuals struggling to unpack different beliefs or messages related to sexuality or intimacy
Anyone who wants to feel less anxious, more empowered, and have a deeper understanding for their own sexuality!
Common myths about relationships that Sex Therapy in San Diego can address:
“Men like to have sex more than women because they have a higher sex drive. That must be the case for my relationship to be normal."
Every couple has a different match of sex drives, which can change over time.
"Sex is supposed to be or look or feel a certain way."
We have been conditioned by society, our culture, upbringing and other influences (like media) all of which impact how we view and think about sex.
"How does talking about sex help? It's a body thing, not a head thing."
Because arousal happens in the brain (3), this has led to some to refer to the brain as “the biggest erogenous zone” in the body. Talking about sex with your partner can lead to increased understanding and a more satisfying sexual relationship
Sex-Positive Therapy that's always inclusive.
We welcome and affirm people of all identities and relationship configurations, starting from the radical notion that you know you best. In other words, we value and respect your knowledge and lived experience instead of assuming it.
Sex-positive therapy is knowing that people have many unique ways of expressing their sexuality, and that those ways deserve support and exploration.
Thus, we work with partners who don’t operate from traditional arrangements and are kink friendly therapists who will meet you where you are at.
Our San Diego Sex Therapists Approach:
Our San Diego sex therapists believe that sex should feel safe, liberating, comfortable and fun, so any sexual goals we set during our sessions will be grounded on this core framework. This is why we start by asking questions.
In the beginning, this could involve meeting individually with each partner to discuss their personal challenges and explore the issues from each person's lens. Sex therapy may also include the occasional use of "homework" with the goal of helping you have sex this is connected, satisfying, vibrant, and exciting
Our Sex Therapy helps San Diego and California couples get reconnected.
We often come to think of sex in “all or nothing” ways that prevent us from being adaptable as our relationships or needs change. We believe you should be the expert when it comes to your own sexuality, needs and experiences. Starting from a young age, we are “taught” about sex by our schools, family, friends and the media, but often these messages don’t seem to reflect our own experiences.
Sex therapy is effective for anyone hoping to feel more empowered and free when it comes to sex, love and intimacy. Our mission is to help you feel confident in your relationship with sexuality.
Through sex therapy you can begin to relate to sex in a way that works for your relationship or you as an individual, without these societally imposed boundaries. That is, sex therapy helps you unpack your beliefs, feelings and relationship with sex and intimacy, offering you a place where you can grow and heal—even from past trauma.
Our sex therapists will help you:
Create safety
Discuss emotions, feelings and sexual goals openly
Rethink ideas about sex
Explore and investigate underlying stuck points
Identify common goals and make plans
Form deeper connections
Have the kind of sex and connection you want
What is Sex Therapy is:
Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy, which means we will only be talking about sex with you.
Sex therapy may involve learning elements (i.e., psychoeducation, self-help assignments aimed at building awareness or increasing communication, etc.) but we won't ever be teaching you any sexual techniques. Sex therapy also never involves any type of nudity or touching during session.
Sex Therapy is not exam based. However, if at any point we believe your particular sexual issue is outside of our scope of practice, or if we believe you could benefit from the help of a trained medical professional, we will always give you referrals and can partner with your doctor upon request.
Common questions about Sex Therapy:
"Is sex therapy confidential?"
Yes! Sex is very personal, and though it can be difficult to talk about, sex therapy sessions give you space to do so. Anything said in the session remains in the session, and is kept completely confidential. Our goal is always to stayed grounded in safety and do no harm.
"I'm nervous to talk about my sex life—even with a sex therapist."
Being nervous about sex therapy (or therapy in general) is absolutely normal. Some couples come from a background where sex is something that should never be talked about, especially with a stranger. Many express fears that doing so will feel uncomfortable or embarrassing. We get it. While we want you to feel free to be as open as you're comfortable with, we will always respect your pacing above all else. We are always trying to create a space that allows you the freedom to explore.
"I'm worried sex therapy will make things worse."
Many couples fear that talking about sexual issues will make them worse. Since we care so much about pleasing our partner, and can struggle with messages of shame related to expectations around intimacy, it can be scary to feel and vulnerable to talk about sex and intimacy. However, our partner cannot read our mind. Often people find it feels like a huge weight has been lifted when they are able to work through challenges related to sex and report feeling more connected and safer with their partner once they voice these feelings or concerns.
"Can I overcome past trauma and enjoy sex again?"
Absolutely. It can feel daunting or confusing to try to work through emotions or reactions related to painful past or present experiences. We specialize in working with people to overcome traumatic experiences related to sex. Our therapist have many years working with survivors of sexual assault and believe everyone is capable and deserving of healing, and feeling safe and positive towards sex and intimacy.
"Will I have these problems for life (e.g., erectile dysfunction, sexual anxiety, etc.)?"
Not necessarily. Again, the mind is the biggest erogenous zone and the source of arousal. While there are many band-aid solutions only sex therapy provides lasting relief to problems related to sexual anxieties. If we discover that some form of anxiety is behind a problem such as ED, for instance, we can work together to resolve the root problem, reducing or often eliminating the need for such medications entirely (4).
The quick fix is rarely the best fix.
Too often we jump to the quickest solution when we experience relationship struggles. When dealing with ED, for example, that "quick fix" is almost always a pill, which can have potentially dangerous side effects (5). When it comes to a lackluster love life, the quick fix can be to distract ourselves with working too much, focusing on parenting solely, social media or more dangerous things like drugs and alcohol.
That is why at Whole Wellness Therapy we take a complete look at your life, and seek to help you find solutions that work best, not those that simply work the quickest (most couples express starting to feel some relief and progress after only a few sessions, however). We believe that a healthy diet, exercise, good sleep and a well trained mind, are all factors in helping to resolve deeper issues when it comes to love.
Sex Therapy can help you take your love life off hold.
With our approach, you will find that reconnection is possible and that therapy can be a rewarding opportunity to grow closer and feel more secure with your partner. If your love life has been stagnant, reignite the spark. Call us today to get started.
Whole Wellness Therapy offers sex and intimacy therapy online and at all of our San Diego counseling office locations.
A helpful resource about sex and intimacy issues:
